~ Better Days ~

Yeap, better days....  I do hope they are ahead.   Yesterday I arrived at the hospital for my procedure, though scared and nervous I felt confident things would be ok and I'd be leaving either late Wed night or first thing this morning all fixed up.   Not to be............

The procedure started smoothly.  I was awake and talking.  I felt a pinch here, a pinch there in my leg/groin area.  At some point they moved to my arm.  Not real sure exactly when as things are a bit foggy.  What isn't foggy is the end result.   They could not do any stents.  It was basically a bust.  The blockage is not where they thought it was, but higher.  More in my abdomen.  The main artery and were they break off to go to either leg. This is not going to be an easy fix.  Instead they will be doing another bypass.  Major surgery.  Apparently several things were contributing factors.  Family history, being a woman (who have smaller arteries), having smoked, and previous radiation.  Radiation causes things to shrink and I knew that but never in a million years did I suspect my arteries.  Lisa, I saw your comment from yesterday.  Tell your friend from work, ok?  If they already know that is the issue with her foot maybe they should go one step further and make sure.  Makes me nervous to think she could experience this down the road.  I'd not wish this on my worst enemy!!

So back to recovery.  I was a wreck emotionally.  My son hugged and kissed me.  Talked very confident and tried with all his might to calm me down.  Since they went in my artery I had to wait a few hours before I could go home.  Yes and home I came.  I had a board attached to my arm to keep it straight.  Virtually no pain, maybe just a bit discomfort.  My heart was broke though.  Emotionally I am drained and I'm not sure I can handle any other setbacks.  My son made me promise I'd not give up and try to be positive.  I will try, but let me tell you it is not easy.

So......... the surgery.  My doctor from yesterday wants to consult with all my doctors.  He feels we should wait a few months and let me get stronger.  I am waiting for a call from him to see what direction we will go in.  In the meantime he will put me on a blood thinner to try and help with the discomfort in my foot/leg.

I am now scared of what they might find when they go in.  Seems it's always something bigger/worse then what they anticipated to begin.  ::sigh::

I will most likely go back to work after the holidays.  Work has been great and will definitely work with me if I need to work from home for a bit.  I will take them up on the offer if need be so no worries on going back to soon.

The holidays have me a bit emotional too.  I feel like I've done nothing to contribute and it's eating at me.  My one sister is out shopping and has picked up a few things for me as well.  I just need to have something wrapped and under the tree.  Yes, I know no one cares, but I do.

I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support.  I also appreciated the emails from those that went and got a brief update on my sisters blog.  She is definitely a gem!!

So I am trying to stay positive and keep my chin up.  I will also do my best to try and keep up with you.  It's just been so hard and I feel so very bad!   OOOOOOOOOOoohhhhhhhhhhhh and I did get Christmas cards, thank you!!   Love you all.  I know I didn't share my address with a ton of folks, damn time just flew by with all that's been going on.  Know good thoughts and vibes are being sent your way.

Hugs

~d