~ Fall 2009 ~

For those of you stopping by to see if there are pictures of my fall, or the effects it left one me, NOT!  LOL Of course I have pictures of my face and the black and blue marks.  Nose broke and full of stitches.  Eyes discolored and swollen shut, or almost.  The cuts below my lower lip where my teeth busted through.  My arm in a sling.  Ahhhh memories.  Memories that I want to put behind me and not share here. 

The scar on my nose is still pretty obvious.  I go back to the plastic surgeon at the end of the month.  His initial plan was to do a nose job as he wasn't happy with the look.  He, of course, doesn't know from day one I was cursed with the nose from my Mom's side of the family.  It's still pretty swollen so maybe when the swelling goes down it won't be so bad.  Or........ maybe I will go through with it and get a nice little petite nose perfectly shaped.  LOL

I saw the orthopedic Dr. last Wednesday.  He took the brace off but put strict limitations on the movement I'm allowed.  Doesn't matter, I can't do much with it anyway.  It's still pretty sore.  I can type with two hands now and that's a good thing for both work and play.  It does have a dull ache the past couple days.  Like a tooth ache or ear ache.  I can't decide if it's the increased use, the damp cold weather, the healing, or if it's all in my head.  Hmmm no it's not in my head it's in my arm!  I do feel improvement each day so that's a good sign. 

My new job has been great.  I love it!  I feel at home with my co-workers and they've accepted me with open arms.  It's nice to have that.  Not every place makes the 'newbies' feel welcome.  When I started the job I noticed right away the park nearby.  It runs along the Niagara River and goes for several miles.  There is a walking path, so many benches and picnic tables, and when I first started there were boats galore cruising up and down.  I missed boating season more or less when I fell, but I was itching to get to the park to take pictures. 

Every day as I went to work and drove home I would look at the park and imagine where and what I would take pictures of.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to lift my camera and hold it steady to take the shots.  It made me so sad.  I watched as the gorgeous reds, oranges, and maroon like colors fell from their homes on the outstreched branches.  I'd curse and hope that a few would last long enough for me to get my camera in hand. 

Friday morning I decided it was time.  I had to at least try.  I grabbed my camera on the way out the door and hoped the rain would hold off so I could stop at the park on my way home.  I knew there was no way I could lift the camera to my eye to look through the view finder.  My arm was not ready.  I decided I would try to hold it steady and tilt the camera so I could use the LCD viewer.  Holding my arm out in that fashion was doable for a short time.  After a couple seconds my entire arm would shake.  I knew this going in, but wanted... needed.  I know that might sound odd to some but I want my life back.  I know you can't go back, and you have to move forward.  I'm ready to move in that direction.  My head is, my heart is, now I just need my body to cooperate. 

On the way home from work I was a bit giddy.  Like a school girl getting to wear makeup for the first time.  The first dance accompanied by a boy.  I pulled into the first parking section.  Camara out of the case and wiggled my way out of the car.  Keep in mind the only arm really working is the right one.  I have to lean across to open the door.  Push as hard as I can to have the door open enough to get out.  I have a whole little routine that I've been following for weeks.  I'm use to it, but it doesn't make it any easier, any less of a pain in the ass! 

I stood with camera ready to go and felt the twitching and aching as I tried to focus in.  For a split second I felt tears in my eyes.  Not because of the pain, but because I didn't think I was going to be able to do it.  I gritted my teeth and kept trying.  Finally 'snap'!  I reviewed the picture and thought, 'yuck!  I moved and it's so blurry.'  I tried again, and again, and again.  The more I tried the better the pictures came out.  Not as crisp and clear as I wanted but they were coming out.  More tears... these ones of joy.

The sun was setting and I knew my time was limited.  I wanted to capture all the pictures I'd imagined in my head for weeks.  The Grand Island Bridge.  The dual bridges crossing the Niagara River to the island and then, of course, they are on the otherside of the island leading to Niagara Falls.  As I looked towards the bridge from the park I could see the sun setting.  The sky turning pink, red, and orange as the sun peeked through the clouds.  The slight hill in front of me blocked some of the view, but the sky was stunning.  I wish I could have captured the colors a bit better.  :::sigh:::

This black and white shot had been in my head for weeks.  It was harder to get then I thought.  The angle, the construction equipment stored at the base.  I worked around it and love the way it came out.  I will do this one again when I'm steadier.

All in all I'm happy with the results.  I'm proud of myself for not giving up, giving in.  I probably could have used one of these for the Photo Challenge, but I already posted one.  Don't forget to stop by and see the other entries.  Hell, pick up your camera and give it a shot you still have time!! 

One shout out to my boys.  They shit the bed horribly last night, but they have started the season very well.  Way to go Sabres!!  I am waiting on confirmation of my ticket purchase.  Stephan's girlfriend has her birthday coming up.  The past two years were tainted with ill health in my family.  First my sisters passing.  Two years and I still miss her every minute of every day.  Then last year my scare with the heart attack and triple by-pass.  This year I'm taking her, Stephan, and her mom to a hockey game.  Hell or high water we will be there! 

Enjoy your Sunday everyone!

Hugs

~d

~ Brush Yourself Off ~

Yes, that is right.  Pick yourself up and brush yourself off, it's me yet again.  While recovering I've gone weeks if not months without a word.. barely a visit.  Now in the span of a couple days I've been here several times.  Ummm, no I am not trying to make up for the time I've missed.  It only looks that way.  I swear!  I have missed you all tons.  So many of you have sent me greetings, both on here and in the mail.  Thank you!  There is not a soul out there that could tell me on line friends aren't real and get away with it.  So many of you helped me through some of the darkest days.  That IS real!  Again, I want to thank you all.  The cards always came/come when I need them most.  Like you knew it and sent them. 

All is not perfect in my world.  I still have a long way to go and somethings I'm not sure will ever get better.  The doctors aren't sure either but I will not go down without a fight.  That you can count on!   I have to wear those oh so special compression socks (knee high).  Ever try to put them on?  Now think of me with an incision (that is healing) from the top of my sternum to my pubic bone.  You want me to what?  Pull those things on?  Oh thank God they at least come in colors now and not just white!  It's only a temporary thing.  Well, my doc says it is.  We are working on getting the swelling in my left foot to stay down.  Along with a water pill every day, it seems to be working.  That is except for the constant need to run to the potty.  He has seen me in my highs and lows and no doubt is not wanting to feel my wrath if I have to wear them forever.  Soooooooooo until further notice no pretty shoes.  LMAO ok so my Fred Flinstone feet never fit into pretty shoes, now I just have an excuse. 

 

Here are the remaining pictures from my drive today.  Ok, not all of them but a few more.  I found the modern windmill in this shot with the old barn to be interesting.  To the right of the one you see there are about 30 more. 

 

This was the old barn I wanted to actually use for the challenge. I just thought the extensive damage up against the blue sky added something.  Not sure what I thought it added but........... I decided not to use it because someone else used an old barn....

 

This fence lines the road not far from my house.  Had it not been so wet and yucky I would have walked down to it and took the shot length wise.  It appeared to go on forever and every few feet it had fallen down.  Maybe another day when I'm a bit more sure of my footing... or maybe I will have my son come with me so I can hang on to him.  Ohhhh... he'd surely be calling me a freak then, eh?  You do remember he has called me that in the past regarding my picture taking, right?

Speaking of my son.  We went out for dinner this evening.  We went to a local place (one he use to work at) that is close by with yummy food.  I'm a bit limited on the menu items but it has a few things I can splurge on.  The grilled chicken sandwich I had was to die for!!  Not literally, I promise :)   He was thrilled to hear I'd been out taking pictures.  He was even more thrilled to hear I've been on the PC a bit more.  I know he's happy to see me moving on and not being on a constant crying jag.  Poor kid.  He's been through as much hell as I have been and he did nothing wrong.  I tell him I must have done something really good in my previous life to luck out and get such a good boy.  He blushes, but I know he knows I mean it.  I am blessed to have such a son!

 

::giggle:: I know a few rolled their eyes when they got the alert for yet another entry so I will end now.  Besides I feel like the above tractor (old) more and more and it's now time to put my feet up and rest my eyes.  LOL   Actually I'm off to watch more hockey.   They are playing for the holy grail you know.  My boys aren't in it....  :::heavy sigh::: once again their season ended after the regular season, but the off season is long and I need to get my fill.  You watching?  You care?  Who are your picks?  I know in years past I did entries with the teams and choices but I just wasn't up to it prior to the run actually starting.  Maybe the finals...  if you can stand me posting regularly now.

Thanks again for being you and being behind and/or next to me in my wild adventures of the past few months.  I can never thank you enough or show just how much it means to me.

Hugs

~d

~ It's Time ~

 

Yeap, it's time for the pretty flowers to peek out of the thawing gardens and show their beautiful colors to welcome spring, but that isn't what I'm talking about.  It's time for me to pull on my 'big girl' panties and move on.  I've been told over and over how strong and positive I've been through all this and I guess to a point I have been.  What everyone doesn't always see is the tears rolling down my cheeks.  The 'feel sorry' for myself as I lay on the couch being uncomfortable.  How I want my life back.  I want my hobbies to be interesting to me again.  I want to enjoy the next six months and not miss it like I have the last six.  I barely log on anymore.  Well, to clean out my mailbox but even then so much just gets deleted.  That is not me.  I miss everyone but have had no get up and go when I'm here.  It's not like I'm busy doing anything.  Hell, I've watched repeats of daytime TV.  How sad is that?  I use to be 'don't leave home without it', my camera that is.  Now?  I barely pick it up.. well until recently.   I've decided to move forward or change my interests but  sitting on my ass doing nothing is not for me.  I've been given a second chance and I need to embrace it!

It's also time for an update.  I know many of you have visited my sister for updates as well as welcome her to blogville.  She is so enjoying herself and I couldn't be happier that she is getting into this and I so appreciate you following her and taking her under your wing.

So me?  I'm really doing ok.  Much better.  I have another incision that starts from the bottom of the last one and goes right to my pubic bone.  I have two small ones on either leg, maybe 3-4 inches from the top of my thigh and into my groin area (or there abouts.)  Those are the ones that hurt the most, but are doing much better now.  I am now able to get into my jeans and the rubbing at my belly button and when I sit is minimal.  I've recently been cleared for more activity and I've been riding my stationary bike for about 20-30 minutes every day.  I'm not a speed demon by any stretch but I can do it with only leg power and I don't have to stop.  Walking is something I can do too.  My left foot is still numb and swells at times but the pain is mostly gone and I can walk for more then 1-2 minutes now.  That is a good thing!  We are not sure about the foot.  It could take 6 months to a year before we know if it will come back, or if it won't.  I have to learn to be happy with what I do have, but damn walking with a drop foot is not fun nor pretty.  Work?  I can go back May 5.  I'm excited, but then on the other hand wonder why.  LOL  I love my job and the people I work with but I'd love to be rich and not have to worry about it.  Ok, so we all think that way... it's just not the case with me right now :)

So these are new pictures.  They were taken Easter Sunday.  Ohhhhhhhhhhhh and I hope everyone had a good holiday.. whatever you celebrate.  Mine was good.  My sister cooked dinner this year.  Breakfast was put on hold because my Dad had knee surgery and was being moved from the hospital to the rehab center in the am and it was just easier for my Mom to do dinner with us.  He, by the way is doing good.  Great actually.  He is hoping to be home next week.  Time will tell.  I keep telling him and my Mom not to rush it. 

Easter was good.  Bug and Gage were there and enjoying themselves.  Bug offered me some of her candy and I told her no.  I had to explain why I couldn't eat sugar.  It was a good 15 minutes of back and forth conversations and when it was all said and done her response, 'sounds to me like you have a candy problem.'  Out of the mouths of babes!! 

So there you have it.  A little update.  I am going to try to be here and on facebook a little more.  I've been dabbling with tags and hope I'll have an offer and soon.  I do hope everyone is well.  I will be doing my best to get by soon.  I promise!  Love you all.

hugs

~d

~ Status.... Update ~

  Hey folks this will be pretty short.  I just wanted to type a little something so you all knew I was ok.  Well...  ok is probably a bit stronger then I'd like to say but..........

All is going same 'ole same 'ole.  My leg/foot is not any better and besides being frustrating it can be painful at times.   I did see the surgeon the other day and though he wants me to wait as long as possible he is not sure I will be able to last much beyond the end of Feb.  I see the cardiologist on Feb 3 and then some decisions will be made. 

I am working from home and let me tell you it tires me out.  By the time I log off the network at the end of the day I am ready for a pain pill and a nap.  I've done both a couple of times.  I do feel that I am contributing and accomplishing things so I'm happy. 

I've tried to keep up with you all but I miss a day or two and then I have over 250-300 alerts.  That becomes overwhelming to me.  I'm sorry I just can't keep up.  My head is not in the best frame either so it makes it that much harder.  I will try...........

Well..  time to move to a new position and get blood flowing in my leg.  Please know I miss you guys and I do care... just need to take care of my health right now.  I will stop in when I can.

Hugs
~d

~ Happy New Year ~

 

:::waving::: Hi folks!  I know I haven't been around much and entries by me have been few and far between.  That is with the exception of a tag offer here and there.   Just not into the blog thing right now I guess.  I think it's because I have a hard time sitting here and I am sick of having the 'poor me attitude' and complaining about the aches and pains.   I am doing good and will be doing some rehab on a regular basis.  Need to get my muscles back into use.   Speaking of.... we went out for dinner this evening and stopped at my nieces after.  What a hoot!  The kids got Wii for Christmas and we went to town.  The 'fit' game is a riot and let me tell you it is a work out.  I think I'm going to look into getting that game.  LMAO  won't need a gym membership :)

I will also be going back to work on Jan 5.  I will start out by working from home, and then gradually get into going into the office.  I can drive and have a few times.  It felt odd but no fear of the actual driving.  More of the snow and getting stuck or something.   Walking is not an option right now.  Not any distance anyway.  I do go back to the vascular doc on the 6th and I'm hoping he can give me something for the discomfort in my foot.  The blood thinner has helped a bit but I definitely still have some major issues.

I didn't do any tag requests for the holiday, but feel free to snag these.  All I ask is that they not be altered, resized, or claimed as your own. 

'Nuff about me.. I am good.  Promise.  I did want to wish you all a very Happy New Year.  May 2009 bring good things to all of us.  Health, wealth, and love.  I do hope whatever you did to celebrate was all that you hoped for. 

Happy New Year!!!

~ Better Days ~

Yeap, better days....  I do hope they are ahead.   Yesterday I arrived at the hospital for my procedure, though scared and nervous I felt confident things would be ok and I'd be leaving either late Wed night or first thing this morning all fixed up.   Not to be............

The procedure started smoothly.  I was awake and talking.  I felt a pinch here, a pinch there in my leg/groin area.  At some point they moved to my arm.  Not real sure exactly when as things are a bit foggy.  What isn't foggy is the end result.   They could not do any stents.  It was basically a bust.  The blockage is not where they thought it was, but higher.  More in my abdomen.  The main artery and were they break off to go to either leg. This is not going to be an easy fix.  Instead they will be doing another bypass.  Major surgery.  Apparently several things were contributing factors.  Family history, being a woman (who have smaller arteries), having smoked, and previous radiation.  Radiation causes things to shrink and I knew that but never in a million years did I suspect my arteries.  Lisa, I saw your comment from yesterday.  Tell your friend from work, ok?  If they already know that is the issue with her foot maybe they should go one step further and make sure.  Makes me nervous to think she could experience this down the road.  I'd not wish this on my worst enemy!!

So back to recovery.  I was a wreck emotionally.  My son hugged and kissed me.  Talked very confident and tried with all his might to calm me down.  Since they went in my artery I had to wait a few hours before I could go home.  Yes and home I came.  I had a board attached to my arm to keep it straight.  Virtually no pain, maybe just a bit discomfort.  My heart was broke though.  Emotionally I am drained and I'm not sure I can handle any other setbacks.  My son made me promise I'd not give up and try to be positive.  I will try, but let me tell you it is not easy.

So......... the surgery.  My doctor from yesterday wants to consult with all my doctors.  He feels we should wait a few months and let me get stronger.  I am waiting for a call from him to see what direction we will go in.  In the meantime he will put me on a blood thinner to try and help with the discomfort in my foot/leg.

I am now scared of what they might find when they go in.  Seems it's always something bigger/worse then what they anticipated to begin.  ::sigh::

I will most likely go back to work after the holidays.  Work has been great and will definitely work with me if I need to work from home for a bit.  I will take them up on the offer if need be so no worries on going back to soon.

The holidays have me a bit emotional too.  I feel like I've done nothing to contribute and it's eating at me.  My one sister is out shopping and has picked up a few things for me as well.  I just need to have something wrapped and under the tree.  Yes, I know no one cares, but I do.

I wanted to thank you all for your prayers and support.  I also appreciated the emails from those that went and got a brief update on my sisters blog.  She is definitely a gem!!

So I am trying to stay positive and keep my chin up.  I will also do my best to try and keep up with you.  It's just been so hard and I feel so very bad!   OOOOOOOOOOoohhhhhhhhhhhh and I did get Christmas cards, thank you!!   Love you all.  I know I didn't share my address with a ton of folks, damn time just flew by with all that's been going on.  Know good thoughts and vibes are being sent your way.

Hugs

~d

~ Elfin ~

My niece stopped over Sunday and picked me up to take me to her Mom's (my sister's).   Yeap, still not allowed to drive :(   Eight weeks is next week so keep your fingers crossed.   They were making Christmas cookies and preparing to watch the Buffalo Bills blow yet another game.  Good gaawd maybe I jinxed them way back when they were 4-0.  Either way they've laid a huge egg and now are the laughing stock of the league... ok maybe not that bad but.......  Sunday was fun.  Both Gage and Bug were having fun being in the Christmas spirit.  Bug, once again had to check on me several times to make sure I was ok.   I do think once I pulled out the camera she let out a sigh of relief.  'Aunt Donna is back.'   LOL 

I went to bed last night as the snow fell.  They were calling for a rough drive this morning.  I was thrilled I didn't have to get up for work and my sister prayed for a snow day.  It's not just the kids that hope for schools to be closed because of the weather.   She wasn't that lucky.  There is snow out there and they are stating now that the temps went up we could get freezing rain.  We'll see.  Just need to make sure I get to the hospital as planned.

::sigh:: speaking of the hospital.  I am scared to death.  I know I've been through some tough things and this should be the easy part, but trust me I am still nervous and scared.   So many things go through your head.  I was feeling very confident that I'd be home tonight, but a visit to my primary doctor yesterday said otherwise.  I had to visit him to get clearance after all my tests.  He didn't want me thinking I'd be home and then be disappointed if I wasn't.  He didn't feel it would be the procedure itself.  He thinks that will be fine and will fix the issues with my foot.  He just feels that since I'm not having it done until 3 in the afternoon they may keep me overnight.  I guess going in thinking that is probably better.  Does make me feel better or make me happy, but I'm preparing for the stay.   If you don't hear from me later give me a day or so......  

I do hope this works.  I'm in some pain and it is extremely uncomfortable.  No position is good.  Laying, sitting, standing.  I can't do any for any length of time.  Sitting at the computer can be brutal.  I've tried to stay current with entries but it never seems to be possible to sit and read all... forgive me.  With any luck at all this will fix the issues and allow me to sleep an night without constantly waking up and having to get up to'walk it off.'  Hopefully I can walk without a limp and actually get some much needed exercise in.  Taking a few steps and then having a pain and tired feeling in my leg is frustrating as all get out.  I feel like I'm carrying a good 70 pounds of dead weight.  Sitting, feet up or feet down, not happening.  My foot and lower leg throb within minutes.  I pray this works. 

Well, off to get a shower and pack a bag.  I do hope I'm home this evening but if you don't hear from me expect an update tomorrow.  My sister has been blogging and she may update, not real sure but you could stop by anyway :::giggle:::

Hugs to you all and again thank your for your friendship, love and support.  The prayers and good vibes are also so appreciated. 

~d

~ 'Tis the Season ~

My sister is a 'Saint', she spent some time this past weekend getting the decorations and tree up. Mind you it's not as festive as it has been in years past but at least the decorations are up.

I'm a bit bummed about the holiday this year. I've done nothing. I've purchased not one gift. Not one! I know I will get out and get a few but this Dr appointment today threw a monkey wrench into things.

Besides being scared to death about what the next step is, it has more then likely taken my recovery time and pushed it out even further. I thought maybe the numbness would get better, but to be honest I think it's getting worse. The past several nights I've woken up to soreness in my ankle and my thigh. I couldn't lay there so I'd have to get up and walk around. I have no idea what is in store, but based on my primary doctor it appears more surgery. Another stay in the hospital. Trust me I want to get better, but I have a fear of being under and this time it is no different.

My appointment is at 5 pm, and no doubt I was pushed in for today. That in itself is a bit scary. Good vibes sent my way would be appreciated. I know I've asked for a ton, but ....... thanks :) I'll definitely stop by later and give an update... 'les of course they force me to the hospital right away.

Hugs
~d