Wednesday, February 18, 2009

~ Break Up - Break Down ~

Photobucket



Heeeeeeeeeeeey ... yeap a post from me. I want to start by saying I am so sorry that I've not been around. I could list a bunch of half assed excuses but truth is I've not had the desire. I don't feel great physically or mentally. I want to be strong and positive but it doesn't always go that way. I've had several feel sorry for me days. Many a days that I cried for hours on end. Breakdowns like I'm not use to.

I have my additional surgery scheduled for March 10. I will most likely be in the hospital about a week. Though no bones will be broke for this bypass more organs will be moved so the surgery is a bit longer then my heart bypass but recovery should be faster. Let's hope!! Let's also hope this works. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

Once my recovery is on it's way and I'm home I will most likely look into talking to someone... maybe a shrink.. who knows. I just know I can't ride these emotions all the time. I can't control them and since I can't I need to understand them.

Work has been ok. I actually think it's been good for my head. Seeing friends and being up and out. Three times a week after work I go right to rehab. Though it can be painful most times it is a good work out pain. My foot does cause me some distress and makes some things impossible to do but I fight through it. Sometimes with tears sometimes without. It's good tho :)

Last week the weather here broke. The temps were in the high 40's and we had a massive melt down. The above a neighbors backyard. I loved the way the fog lingered. I love the spooky effect. I also took a ride to a local park. The ice and broken up in the creek and it once the blockage broke way the water, ice, and tree branches moved through at great speed. I took a video that blurred in places but I can't figure out how to get it into blogger. Pisses me off. GRRRR If you're interested stop by YouTube to see it. Meltdown If you know how to embed, HELP!

LOL This is kind of how I've felt the past couple weeks... all mixed up and moving out of control. Hope everyone is doing good and I do hope you'll say a couple prayers... I'm extremely anxious over this.

hugs

~d

58 comments:

Maria-K. said...

D :) It is so great to hear from you!!! I just wished your news would be better ones. Sorry to hear you need another surgery. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Big hugs, Maria

Big Mark 243 said...

I am glad to simply hear from you. Do what you have to do, and get thru the process. There is no rush, and your real friends on line will be here.

What is important is that the people in the beautiful pictures you have shared get to spend more time with a wonderful person. That is what counts most. Get better, and do it for them.

L&R
Mark

Chris/cacklinrosie101 said...

You've had so much going on and so much happening, D, it's no wonder you are just one big ball of emotions. It's impossible to go from active and what you thought was totally healthy to all the proecures,etc. I pray for good results for you from this operation so you can feel normal again. There's no shame in talking with someone about all of this. You are on strong lady even though you don't feel like it right now. Love you...

Joyce said...

Sending up prayers you start feeling better in all areas...sorry you need surgery again...you take care...many hugs and love,
Joyce

Lisa said...

Awwww hon, I have'nt forgotten about you, there will be mail going out for you this week, you are in my thoughts, Sending Huge Love and Hugs Lisa XOXO

Joann said...

It's good to see a post from you, and I always enjoy seeing you in Facebook!! I do hope that you have a speedy recovery from your surgery in March. I've heard that the emotions can be really bad after heart surgery, well it IS your HEART, after all = ). That should get better soon, too!! Take Care of YOU!!!

Joann said...

WOW!! Went to check out the video... that's amazing... scary looking to me!!

Bridgett said...

Donna!

So happy to hear from you. I'm sorry to hear you have to have another surgery...but hey, maybe this will be exactly what your body needs to feel normal again.

Whatever that means...right? haha

I'm thinking of you always.

XOXO

Linda Brown said...

It was good to hear from you and I will be praying for you.
Love to you!
Linda

Traci said...

Just sayin' hi! I'll be praying for success with the surgery.

Yasmin said...

Good to hear from you Donna, your on a roller coaster at the moment and hopefully your surgery in March will correct a lot of the physical issues, perhaps it might be a good idea to talk to someone now, it does help just to put it out there and a relief.
Nice photo

Take care
Hugs

Yasmin
xx

LaVern said...

Was so very good to see a post from you, and thanks for sharing. We all are interested in you and knowing how you are doing. You certainly are in my prayers, along with those for your sister. Hugs, LaVern

Julie said...

Donna, my prayers are with you. I am praying your leg is better after the surgery. It has been a long road for you. Hugs.

Julie said...

I forgot to mention how much I liked the photo, I did one like similar to that.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry that you are stuggling both physically and emotionally. Hang in there, this will be behind you before you know it, and you will be soaking up the summer rays :o)

Leslie said...

Donna *hugs* Its so good to see a post from you. I have been praying, praying & thinking of you daily. I miss you hun. Im so sorry to read though your so down about
things, the pain is still being that such a pain. My heart is just sad for you hun. I am really praying to God that the surgery goes well and more so after that you will finally be better form this. Im glad though that work has been going good and your working with your friends again. Hun take care. Agian i will send many prayers & think of you. Im here for you if you need anything. Hope to see a post form you soon. Take care hun, *hugs* xo, Leslie

LadyLeo said...

It is good to hear from you. Hope things go well with your surgury.I can understand you being so emotional right now. With all the changes you have gone through you are certainly entitled to be a bit down and cry sometimes.You have lost control over your life and I know that has got to be scary for you. I think of you often and hope you getting stronger. My prayers are with you in your continued recovery. (((Huggs))).

Linda's World said...

Donna, glad to see your entry. I;ve heard that after surgeries like you had that emotions are like a roller coaster. So apparently what you're feeling is normal. I'm glad you're going to get all this business done now, then you can enjoy your summer. We miss you but we understand. Take care...Linda in WA

Nelishia said...

I think it's so nice to hear from you too. I loved the spooky look to that photo you posted. I hope that rehab will continue to improve you and I wish the pain would subside. Pain changes a person's personality. I pray you get through this all very soon.

Take care and get well soon,
Nelishia

Stephycce said...

Oh I'm glad your okay.
Wish you were feeling better.
Good Luck!
*hugs*

Pamela said...

Hi Donna. I will keep you in my prayers. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. You're going through a LOT right now. It's normal to be upset. I think the idea of getting counseling is good. I hope you do it.
It's good to hear from you. Take care of yourself.
Hugs..Pam

~Stevie~ said...

Babes, it's so good to hear from you! Hang in there hun. You can do it!! Love you loads. PS..

Can I have your home phone number please? I gots to make me a call!

Love you
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ADM DESIGN'S said...

It's so great to hear from you again!! Sorry to hear your feeling like that. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Alvia

LYN said...

BLESS YOUR HEART..IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE THAT YOU WOULD BE FEELING SO LOW..YOU HAVE HAD SUCH A ROUGH TIME LATELY...I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW YOU MUST FEEL..AND FACING MORES SURGERY ETC...WELL DONE YOU FOR RECOGNISING YOU MIGHT NEED A LITTLE HELP SORTING IT ALL OUT...

ALWAYS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS...

Darlene said...

Good to hear from you but sorry to hear that your spirit has been broken, mine too..some personal heartaches here with my step dads Alzheimers getting worse. I will continue to pray for you and send good thoughts your way D, love ya!! and good luck on your surgery hon!
xo
~Darlene~

madcobug said...

I pray that you will get to feeling better soon Donna and that your upcoming surgery and recovery goes well. Hugs, Helen

Missy said...

Hey Donna.. I came back to comment your picture and it looks like my first comment didn't go through.. I wish yoy much success with your surgerey Donna. And don't be ashamed to be an emotional wreck... Look what you've been through! Take care of yourself friend...

Brittany said...

I've missed you, But at the same time while you weren't updating I understood. I think we all know that life isn't back to normal for you and we know that when it is and you are comfortable again, you will be back here everyday! So take the time you need. As long as you pop on here every so often to give us an update :)

I finally did get the Rebel!!!
I love it!!!!
I started a photo blog if your interested....

http://mysilentstories.blogspot.com/

The Rebel is really a great camera! I look back at my little point and shoot and laugh... I used to think the thing was the shit LOL.

Anyways i'm glad that we got to hear from you!

Love and Hugs!

moshell's lilbit of space said...

Glad to hear from you D....you are never far from thought.

:)

Brittany said...

P.s: I love the photo you took in this entry!!!

Missie said...

You have been thru a lot in the last year. If you need to talk to a therapist to help you get on with life, than you do it!

I really wish you didn't have more surgery to undergo, but if it's going to keep you alive, it's so worth it!!

Love ya, and you're always in my prayers.

Tabby said...

Hi

It is good to hear from you. I wish you strength to get you through this difficult time. I bet talking to someone will help it is so much to go through. Hope the surgery makes you feel so much better.
Take Care

Carolina said...

Donna, you have been thru alot-dont be so hard on yourself-recovery for just what you have been thru takes time-you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am here if you need me-hugs and love

Linda said...

I will make sure to keep you in my prayers. I am glad that you are able to get out and get to work! I love the picture. Linda

Anonymous said...

Glad to see a post from you. So sorry you are going through all of this. I am comforted though that you have a wonderful family to help you through and to be there when you need them. I am thinking of you often and sending lots of love and healing your way.
Love,
L

Jan said...

Dear Donna,I have been down myself but ,Bless your heart ,nothing compared to you ,of course you are in my prayers,...my dear friend ....love Jan xx

Jan said...

Dear Donna,I have been down myself but ,Bless your heart ,nothing compared to you ,of course you are in my prayers,...my dear friend ....love Jan xx

Beth said...

I think it's great you're planning on talking to someone, Donna. Just to get a handle on the emotions of it all, you know?

Hang in there,
Hugs, Beth

Jeannette said...

I'm not surprised you're feeling low Donna, your body is just reacting to the trauma it's gone through. You had no chance to prepare yourself for the surgery you had back in November, it was all so sudden and a big shock to your system. I'm saying prayers that your next surgery will leave you feeling so much better. I love the fast running river! I've added videos on my practise journal. I just clicked Edit HTML and copied and pasted the embed code onto the journal then I clicked 'publish'. I found if you clicked back to the normal text the video won't save but it does if you save it in HTML. I hope it works!
I haven't been around much lately either, it still doesn't feel like my home! Take care o9f yourself. Jeannette xxxx

Terri said...

So good to hear from you Donna...

No apology needed girlie...just worry about taking care of you...we will always be here :)

I hope and pray this Surgery will make you feel 100% better when all is said and done....

Glad you are able to work and mingle with coworkers....just getting out probably does you a world of good... I agree with Chris..there is no shame in having to talk with someone about your emotions....you have been through so much!

Keeping you in my prayers always

Love ya!
Terri

FrankandMary said...

Doing what you need to in this situation shows strength not weakness. Go into therapy, and help yourself. You deserve that. You've been "there" for a lot of people....now you need some help for yourself...get it. ~Mary

Debbie said...

You've been in my thoughts often. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I hope and pray this upcoming surgery heals your physical and emotional well being. I can understand your having no desire just take care of yourself. If you don't feel like writing before your surgery will you please ask Nancy to let me know how you are doing afterward?

Love ya
Debbie

Rose~* said...

So glad to see you posting again, Donna - your photo is gorgeous. When I worked on the cardiac ward eons ago, that was a common complaint about the emotional roller coaster ride. It will get better in time, hon. But don't be afraid to ask for some help with your feelings if you need to. You are precious to us. (((HUGS)))
Always, Rose~*

Hollie said...

Donna,
You have had such a hard time with all this. I know that your are in an emotional state. I wish I could help, but I am praying for you every day. I miss you so much & all your beautiful photos. The one above is goregeous! You have such a talent for being able to take such beautiful shots. I think talking to someone after all of this over is a great idea... They could help you sort through all of these emotions. Just know that I love you & I am continuing to keep you in my thoughts & prayers!

Take care friend!

lisa jo said...

you already know how i feel....the photo is LOVELY, like you.
Forever friends,
my prayers are for you

ADB said...

Good to hear from you, Donna. Your experiences are bound to have a psychological as well as a physical impact. However, you'll get through it, even with a helping hand where necessary - and you'll be back to your old self in no time at all.

Amanda said...

((((((((((((HUGSTOYOU)))))))))))))My heart goes out to you,my thoughts and prayers are also with you.I hope you can find some peace with all this.

Shelly said...

I have meltdowns like that when something happens or if I'm anxious. My 9yo has been trying to tell me that he gets anxiety sometimes. lol He doesn't understand it. I am praying for you and I know you are going to be ok. Lov eyou!!!!!

Lori said...

Donna, you've been through a lot this year and more, mentally and emotionally. Then to have the physical stuff on top of that, well, I think a meltdown or two is to be expected. But I know where you are coming from. We don't "meltdown"! Yes, definitely get someone to talk to. It can only help and certainly won't hurt. Don't apologize for doing what is good for you, even when that's holing up and having a good cry. It sounds like you are fighting when you need to fight, taking action when you need to, being active and taking care of yourself physically, as well as wanting to arm yourself with all the insight and info you can get to help yourself. Take care!

Aileen said...

Hello! Donna
Just stopped by, to hear how you were...thinking of you, and hope things improve for you very soon.
(((Hugs)))
Aileen...X

FLORIDALADY4U said...

Hi Donna ....keep your strenth up ....I fell on Feb 13th and broke my shoulder ...talk about pain.

good luck with your upcoming surgery

ADM DESIGN'S said...

I have an award for you on my blog stop by and pic it up!

Veronica B. EDMD said...

D,

Will keep you in my thoughts. Again, let me know if there is anything I can do for you... lend an ear? I am sure you'll do fine with this next surgery. Keep up the spirits! Maybe it's just this sucky Buffalo weather. I know it's starting to get me down!

Veronica

Jeanie said...

Hello Donna
I am sorry to read of your troubles. It is a known fact that this sort of operation can make you feel like this. I hope that bit of information helps you to feel as if you are not going mad. You have gone through such an upheavel of physical and emotional trauma to your usual status quo. Especially the shock of your operation with all the medications you have to take too.
As one of your many friends I too wish that you did not have to go through all this trauma but feel too that you should find someone to offload onto. I have been through the mill emotionally for nearly a year now and sometimes tears helped but in the long run it was nice to have someone qualified to release all the pent up emotions onto. You go for that dear girl! It might just help you to release all that pain, anger and feelings of weakness which you are having to cope with. There is no shame you know in asking for outside help. You are allowed to feel in need of help. Even if you are such an independent minded soul.
Praying that you soon recover and that your future op' is a success.
Spring will be here soon..I'm sure that touch of colour will lift your spirits too. Lots of lovely photographs to take...yes?
Hugs to you and prayers too.
Love
Jeanie xxx

GaylaGal said...

(((Donna)))
I'm saying prayers and well wishes for you everyday my friend. Seeing a professional for emotions is a great idea-I've done it. Even if you see on that you don't like, keep trying until you find one that you do like! Most insurance co allow that. I'm just so sorry that your struggling now with pain. We're all out here pulling for your recovery :)
As for embedding, the way I always did it (my slideshows are the same as embedding videos) was copy/paste HTML Code right into where you want, on your HTML screen in blogger. Or, an easier way is to use Photobucket and it will link directly to your blog. Or, (sorry...lol-trying to help) you can download and start using Windows Live Writer-http://windowslivewriter.spaces.live.com/
It has a suite of tools for blogging and writing.Check it out-you might like it!
TAKE GOOD CARE CUTIE!
Big Huggers, Gayal

Dawn said...

Donna, You can count on my prayers.
Dawn

madcobug said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robin said...

A lot of changes, a lot going on. But, you're doing somethings about it all, physically and mentally:) And, who knows, sometimes working more on the physical, can releive (sp?) enough where the mental aspect's improved, too. But, good for you to have in mind that you will see someone and get help. You shouldn't have to stay living like this. Wishing you well and glad you've written. Beautiful photo here.